From dresses and cakes, to flowers and food – wedding planning can seem like a ball. But many brides- and grooms-to-be hide emotional stress behind a façade of furious planning in preparation for their big day. Susan Wendelborg, a licensed clinical social worker, who counsels many brides, says the root cause of these feelings often come from unclear expectations and separation anxiety.
“There are issues for a bride who is leaving her peer group,” says Wendelborg, the Chicago-based counselor. “[She's] changing her alliance from her family of origin to creating this new family. These things go on under the surface, often don’t get talked about and can really result in a lot of struggle and a lot of chaos.”
“You would think that all of this is supposed to be so, so happy-and it is a wonderful thing-but there are so many dimensions to how everything changes, how everything shifts.”
Harmonious Brides, the company Wendelborg helped start, takes a look at these emotional issues to help brides better handle the pre- and post-wedding process via Bridal Workshops, individual and couples counseling. “Our goal is to really bring these issues to the surface, to shine a light on them with the expectation that understanding what is going on will make it much easier to manage,” she says.
For bride-to-be Beth Kucik, these stresses are all too familiar. It’s not so much her separation anxiety, but the knowledge of her parent’s grief that gets her down. The 25-year-old teacher from Lisle, Ill. recognizes that her fianc\é will begin filling a role formerly occupied by her mother. “It’s a very different feeling than what you would think,” Kucik says. “You would think that all of this is supposed to be so, so happy-and it is a wonderful thing-but there are so many dimensions to how everything changes, how everything shifts.”
According to Wendelborg, understanding these changes is the first step in relieving some of the undue stress. For couples specifically, it’s essential to examine life beyond the wedding date and ensure everyone is aligned in their ideas of what a marriage should be. “It’s important that the bride and groom communicate prior to the wedding about what their expectations are, clarify their values, and know how to be sensitive to each others needs and sensitive to the fact that this is a big change for both of you.”
During and after a wedding, family members as well as couples can feel a lot of different emotions: loss, grief and disappoint as well as excitement. Wendelborgs suggests accepting and addressing these feelings. ‘Once it’s out in the open, it’s much less of a threat,” she says.
Lastly, with the common stresses that come from organizing such a large and important event, an ability to focus attention on one detail at a time is key. Wendelborg recommends brides tackle tasks in measurable and manageable chunks. She also stresses the importance of communication. “Being assertive, is the most effective way to communicate,” she says. “It’s clear, it’s direct, it’s respectful.”
© CTW Features
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